Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Are you happy that I do?

Heya Peeps! It's been a minute since I've written hasn't it?

Well, just to let you all know I am doing well. I know I missed church this last Sunday, but it was only 'cause I was getting ready for our Mother's Day celebration. Thanks to all of you who called and emailed to check on me. I love you for it. This past week has actually found me feeling pretty good. Spending time with the family and being really grateful for the "ups" on my rollercoaster ride. I'm getting ready for my 2nd treatment, which is on this coming Thursday.

Today I had a visit with my Social Worker, Dennis. He will be keeping track of all my meetings, appointments, special events, dinner dates, etc. Yes, I am just kidding! I guess he's not that kind of "social" worker. Haha! I am still cracking myself up!

Anyway, one thing I found out when I went in for my Chemo class is that I have a whole Oncology Team, and part of this team is a social worker. Dennis is very aware that a major stress factor for someone newly diagnosed with cancer (other than being diagnosed with cancer) is the financial burden this business causes. He gave me a couple of ideas of where I might get some assistance and basically let me know that I am not out of my mind with the confusion I am dealing with in regard to my leave from work.

As we were finishing up he let me know he is there - even if I just need to talk - or if Darren needs to talk, and he asked me how I was doing. I told him that I thought I was doing well. Still haven't had a breakdown and am wondering if that's coming at some point. But also noted, as I have stated many times before - as terrible as this is, I have felt blessing upon blessing these past couple of months. I told him about the support I get from my family, from my friends, and about my church family at Faith Mountain. Dennis started shuffling through some papers and said, "I'm gonna read off a couple of answers to a survey of cancer patients and you let me know what you think they said was the thing that helped them the most to get through it." Before he even read the list, Prayer is what came to my mind. And Prayer was the number one response. We talked about how a doctor might not be able to grasp the part that "faith" has in a patient's recovery because it's not something that they can do a clinical trial on, they can't prove it. (And I'm not gonna argue that here. I don't need to.) He said, they (the MD) might say "why wasn't it the chemo that got them through it?" And I responded, "cause anyone who has ever gone through chemo will tell you that the chemo knocks you on your ass. It's the prayer that lifts you back up."

If I were to say it again, I guess I would say it's faith that lifts me back up. It's believing that I will get better, believing that God is beside me through this and He has a plan. Every day I'm lifted by my loved ones and it really doesn't matter if a doctor believes it, or if a stranger does, or even if you do - all that matters is that I believe it. And I would hope, that the people who care about me, would be happy that I do.