There are a handful of dates that I often find myself measuring time by. They are anniversaries of events in my life that were impactful enough, that nothing could ever be the same after them. Some happy. Some sad. Some tragic.
March 25th, 2008 marks one of those dates for me. Five years ago today I had surgery that removed colon cancer from my body. I don't think of it as a sad day... I wouldn't say I consider it a happy day either (although I should, since it saved my life). It will be a day that I will never forget.
Once upon a time, I wrote these words;
I look forward to the day when all this chemotherapy business is behind me and everyone thinks I'm my oldself. Really, I do. But the truth is, will I ever be my old self again? I find it hard to believe that I will. Even when I can have Ice Cream and Iced Tea and Cold Soda again. Even when I have the regular feeling back in my fingers and toes. And even when my skin recovers from having tape covering it for six months. How can I be the same?
I hope for all the differences in me, that the good will by far outweigh the bad. That this might make me physically weaker now, but that it will make me forever stronger.
It's funny how I said I was looking forward to the day when everyone thinks I'm my old self. And here were are. And here they do. I guess there is a part of me that wants this day to be as special to someone else as it is to me, but really, it's just another day. So that's okay too, because I wouldn't want it to be one of those sad or tragic markers in anyone else's timeline.
For the record, nothing will ever be the same. But this I know, is good. I am stronger for the experience.
And for five years, I have been looking forward to to celebrating today. So I think I will....