Are you a Tigger or an Eeyore?

Tired of me already? Haha! Too bad!

Cheers to another great day...

First, I was able to go to a lunch meeting to meet a potential candidate for the Board of Trustees of West Denver Prep. It was a very small group, but still a good meeting. I feel like I have been withdrawn from my activities on the Board and also on the Parent Council since I started this "I don't feel good" business, but I have no intentions of letting go. This school means too much to me. So hopefully I will be able to get back on track and get my head in the game again. Today was a good start.

Second, I had my pre-op appointment. I met with Theresa Capaci, PA. She is awesome! I had finished my initial intake and was sitting on the exam table waiting for her to come in. She knocked on the door and I sang "come in" and gave a big smile and "hello" as she walked in. My look must have said something like "So good to see you again" because she asked if we had met before and when I said no, she said "Wow, your so bright and happy - especially for what you are going through." And I commented, "Yeah, I think a lot of my friends think I'm crazy."

She went on to mention a guy who was recently seen on an episode of Oprah called Death and Dying. The guys name is Randy Pausch and he is suffering from pancreatic cancer - having been told by doctors he has only a few months to live. She said his philosophy on his time left (in a very small nutshell) is "Are you a Tigger or an Eeyore? Choose!" She said I looked like a Tigger. I feel like a Tigger.

Now, I don't believe for one minute I only have months to live. And the information given to me from my doctors is good enough to support I have great chances of not only living, but of being cured! The sad truth is, some people might hear the news cancer - and maybe they can't help but be Eeyore's. There was one in my chemo class in fact. She was an older lady and by herself. And every question or comment she made sounded exactly like something Eeyore would have said -

• "I already feel nauseous" (after hearing it may be a side effect of chemo and that drugs are available to combat the feeling).
• "With my luck, I will be the 1%" (of people who die from complications of a drug).

Yikes. It made me so thankful that I haven't got there - even if someday I do, thank God it's not the way I'm starting this journey!

Anyway, Theresa and I talked about my 'cute' surgeons and she even tracked down a chart with pictures so that I could point out the one I met on my first ER visit. Talking and laughing with her made me feel like I was reunited with a high school friend. She recommended a book "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" and just left me feeling warm and fuzzy and once again - amazed at the kindness of total strangers. I'm about fed up with co-pays I have to say - but today's was totally worth it.

About the surgery...
I thought I would be getting a local anesthesia on Thursday, but found out it's the real deal. General anesthesia will be administered to complete this surgery, so I will be out for the count. I think I'm feeling pretty good about that. I check in at 7am, surgery is scheduled for 8am and should last no more than an hour. Recovery about two hours and I should be home in the afternoon. All this to install a central line so that they don't have to poke my veins each time I go in for chemo. Praise God!

Noticing the "good stuff" -
[x] West Denver Prep
[x] nice people (who make me laugh is a perk)
[x] Tiggers for their bounce, and Eeyore's for making us thankful for Tiggers
[x] Anesthesia
[x] Blogspot! (haha! insert evil laugh here)
[x] Ms. Dai

Tears of joy. Way better than tears of sadness.

The Tarpit visits me in Section 102!

Me, Meghan & Mondo

Matthew & Me!

I just got home from the best game ever! Well, actually - I missed alot of the game since I couldn't sit forward in my seat and jump up whenever I wanted to. And usually, I want to stand through the whole game. But, I made it to the game and I was able to sit through the whole thing, so that was awesome!

Just Happy!

During halftime, Voodoo and the rest of the Tarpit all came over to our seats to say 'hi' and to take a picture with me. I knew that Voodoo was going to try to stop by, but it was a nice surprise to meet everyone else. The aisle guide or guard or whatever their title is actually wasn't going to let them down to our seats. They ended up going over to the next section and crossing back! What determination :o) So I was just so excited and all I wanted to do was give Voodoo a great big hug to thank him in person for doing whatever he did to get me an email from Gavin. And just for his kind words too. And then he tells me that he wants to give me something and takes a ring off his finger. Before I could finish saying "No, you really don't need to do anything like that..." He says, "Yes, I want to. This is my lucky ring and I have worn it to every game for the last three years." "Oh no, I can't take that..." "How about this, this is my lucky ring and I want you to have it... and you can give it back to me when you're all better." Ah, tears in my eyes again. And another hug.

Voodoo - you don't know how your kindness has touched my heart. I bet that I have spent less than 15 minutes, maybe 10 - crying over my cancer diagnosis, and half of that was worrying about how my family would deal with it... But I have been brought to tears several times by the overwhelming goodness of people like you. Here you are, a stranger - and then a group of strangers - making such a sweet and meaningful gesture. Tears of joy are way better than tears of sadness.

Wait! The story doesn't end here. Mondo asked if I wanted to go on the floor to see if Gavin was there. Dad was going to pull the van up and so we did. We waited for a while and finally Gavin came out and of course, everyone was yelling and cheering. Maybe we shouldn't have stood in the middle. He's never going to get here. Everyone is going to go to him. Bummer. Nenad Gajic had just come by and a security person told him time was up. I thought, well, probably the same for Gavin. But we still waited and I wanted to see if I could see him at least, but I was in the wheelchair and my view was blocked. Looked like they were telling him it was time to go too, and that's when I saw him look over and smile at me and walk straight over! He signaled to me that he was coming over to see me. I got the biggest cheesiest smile on my face and stood up.

He gave me a big hug and asked me how I was doing. I told him good, but at that moment - great! I thanked him for his emails and asked if he would take a picture with me, to which he answered "of course". Argh! When will I learn to take my camera! Matthew left early so I just had my camera phone and ugh, my eyes are closed! I am so happy about the moment I am still going to post the photograph. He thanked me for coming and wished me well, telling me to take care and hoping I was better soon. Oh, what a great night!

On the way out to the van, my whole family knew how happy I was. Mom was asking what happened during halftime and I was showing her the ring and sharing the story. I asked Mondo what he did and he said he went over and was able to talk to Gavin, saying "I know you're busy and you have lots of people to see here, but my sister would really like to thank you for some emails you sent her this week." It sounded like he knew who he was talking about by that and said he would come over. Thank you Mondo!!!

So, my tummy hurt and my sides hurt too by the end of the game. That was the first time I've really done steps and been out since the surgery (besides the quick trip to Target yesterday) - and that was a lot of steps. But it was totally worth it! I'm already feeling better.

And oh yeah, the Mammoth won too! Nash kicked bootie. That means playoffs! Yeah!

Gavin's Email - 2nd one!

Allright, yesterday was good, but today was awesome!

First, I got another email from Gavin! [See first one here] He replied to my original response. That was a way cool way to start my day.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Gavin
Date: Apr 1, 2008 5:20 AM

Yes I really am Gavin, I know it's hard to believe especially on April Fools Day but your brother wrote to Steve Govett (our GM) and Steve contacted me. I chose to write you since you were such a big fan or both the Mammoth and myself.
I truly am sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but from what I have heard about you and your positive attitude you will be fine after your treatment, you are a very strong individual.
Don't rush yourself or spread yourself too thin, you have to concentrate on yourself and your therapy, not the Mammoth. We will be around for a couple more games and many more years so you will get your fair share of games to watch in the future.
Thank you for the belated birthday wish, all the best!

Gavin Prout
9

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Tommy
Date: 31/03/2008

Are you really Gavin??????

Because that is crazy and I wouldn't put it past my brother and my friends to set up a whole MySpace account to send me a note from you! Everyone knows I'm a huge fan of yours.

I had the surgery last week and was released from the hospital yesterday. But I found out that I have cancer and will need some followup.... so my brother told me, "milk it" and I said, well then can't I get a make-a-wish.... please bring Gavin in to see me okay? And he laughed and brought in a Mammoth bandanna (see pic below) and flag to dress up my room. That was cool.

Anyway, I absolutely love the Mammoth and even moved my surgery to try to avoid missing a game. So hopefully I will be able to make it on Thursday. That is my plan at least.

Thanks for writing, whether you are Gavin or not, that made me smile. And if you are, happy belated birthday!

Take care,
Tommy

So I sent an email to "Voodoo". He's the guy that Mondo originally had contacted and explained what was going on and asked if he could do anything. He responded saying he didn't do much. Just contacted Steve Govett (the GM of the Colorado Mammoth) and that Steve and the team did the rest. A few pieces of correspondence later, he sent me the following:

Hi Tommy,

Are you still in the hospital? If so, where? Govett and some of the team would like to visit you if possible.

What?! That would have been so cool. And for a second I thought, I can sprain my ankle or something.... Well, I'm not in the hospital, but the offer alone just lifted me higher than a kite. I can't tell you how much it lifted my spirits. I sent texts to all my friends who know what a Mammoth freak I am. They were way excited for me too. And a few of them even offered to come and help me break my leg.

Me and Mike Norris. I'm sporting the Mammoth Bandanna Mondo had brought me.

Gavin's Email

Last night didn't feel so good. We rented "Dan in Real Life", which is a good movie. Parts of it made me laugh and that hurt quite a bit. I also had trouble taking deep breaths. Ouch.

Today, not feeling so great either. I'm tired. I'm not doing terrible. I think it's getting better - by the end of the day it's not so hard to breathe.

But something else happened today that made me really happy. I got an email message from Gavin Prout (captain of the Colorado Mammoth) today. I think most of you know that I LOVE the Mammoth and that he is my favorite. Anyway, I guess Mondo had been working on that since Tuesday, contacting people who contacted people and today I got an email from him wishing me a speedy recovery. Sweet huh? (This picture was taken after the January 26th game at the BlueSky Grill - I was way happy.)

From: Gavin
Date: Mar 31, 2008 5:33 AM

Hi Tommy, I heard you were having some serious surgery at the end of March. I hope it was successful and that your recovery time is minimal. Thanks for supporting the Mammoth by being season ticket holders. All the best, take care of yourself and I hope to see you back at the Mammoth games soon.

Gavin Prout
9

The C-Word

Starting Wednesday, I spent most of my time in the visitor's waiting room. We kind of took it over the whole time we were there because I didn't want to disturb any of my roommates and there wasn't a lot of space for visitors in my room anyway. Also, the doctor's wanted me to be sure to get up and walk around, so it was easier for me to do this from the waiting room. Plus, there was a great view from there. Too bad, I didn't take a photo.

Anyway, when I finally got to my room on Wednesday evening, I found I had a new roommate. Vanessa came in with a complication after a surgery she had a couple weeks before. Her mom Linda was with her. They talked to me a bit through the curtain. Asked how I was doing and all. Linda ended up staying the night, sleeping in a chair next to her daughter's bed.

So, Thursday was the day. I thought I had pretty much prepared myself to hear the results, but I don't know...

I was anxious about it. Woke up at 4am - I wonder what time Dr Vaughn will be here. Another doctor came in to check on me early in the morning, maybe about 6am. He said that they should have my results today, but didn't have any other information.

Dr Vaughn came into my room at about 7am. I had fallen back to sleep and the room was dark. I opened my eyes as Dr Vaughn leaned over my bed and asked me how I was doing. Again, this is how I remember the conversation, which might be completely out of whack.
Dr V: Well, we got the pathology report and there is cancer.
Me: okay.
Dr V: There were 20 lymph nodes and one of them was cancerous.
Me: okay.
Dr V: What that means is I will give you a referral to an Oncologist and they will likely administer chemotherapy. It looks like we got the tumor out completely and I didn't see any other masses. But there is a lot of inflammation and you will need to follow-up to make sure it doesn't spread. You will also want to let your brothers and sisters know that they should go in for a colonoscopy as they may be at risk.
Me: What does that entail, chemotherapy? Will that be during my recovery, after? More time off? Am I going to lose my hair?
Dr V: There are so many types of chemotherapy. You'll need to discuss with your Oncologist the what's and when's. You'll need to do some healing with this surgery before you can start that.
Me: okay.

He walks out and I sit there, with just a dim light above my own bed. Not sure what I am supposed to be thinking. Not sure how I am supposed to be feeling. I have cancer. I don't feel like I have cancer. But I'm pretty sure he just said I have cancer.

Kim, my awesome nurse walks in and asks me how I'm doing. "I got my results back." "And, what were they?" "The tumor was cancerous." And I start to cry. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say." She comes over and hugs me and says, "It's okay. Do you want me to call your mom? You should have someone here." "No, I don't want anyone here yet. I'll call my brother." And then Linda comes over and gives me a big hug too. People can be so nice. They don't even know you, and they can care about you right at the time that you need it most.


I call Mondo and tell him I got the results. He asks if I want him to come over. "Um, I don't know. I want someone to tell mom. I want her to hear before she gets here." I can't imagine what her reaction will be. How would I feel if someone told me my child had cancer? No matter how I feel about it, I can't expect that her feelings will be the same. I call Karen and Mario too. And give Karen a list of people to call and give the news to. Mondo will call the others when he gets here. I just want to make sure that people who might stop by to visit, know before they get here.

The rest of my stay is completely uphill. More visitors, more cards, more calls, more emails, more prayers - and yeah, more flowers. I am completely immersed in love. I am not stressed or angry or bitter. I don't think life is unfair. I just am. I am happy to have all of these people to keep me company at this time. I spend alot of time laughing - and it hurts to laugh, but at the same time - it feels so good to be able to laugh.

The Big Day - Part II

When I woke up in recovery, it was to a lot of pain. I was trying to move and figure out where I was and what happened. I was reaching out, I don't know what for - and crying... and asking "what time is it?". Where is everyone at? Did they leave me? I don't remember how long I was in there, or what order things happened in, but they adjusted my medication and the pain lessened enough for me to get ahold of myself. After some period of time, I was able to move to my room.

Mom & Dad, Mondo and Mike Norris came in to see me. They stayed through the whole surgery and recover time.

It was such a blur. Dr Vaughn came in. "Not diverticulitis... Removed the tumor... Sending to pathology... should get results in two days... possibly cancerous... oncologist... chemotherapy..." What?

My evening continued to be a blur. More visitors. I'm sorry, I know I wasn't able to have coherent conversations. I probably tried. I remember talking to Sammi and I think I probably dosed in and out, but she said that if I lost my hair through chemo, she would shave hers off too! God love Sammi and so do I! Kristie had brought Darren back - she had picked him up while I was in surgery and taken him to the zoo. I really don't remember what happened that evening. All I know is that it was just the beginning of such an incredible week. I had so many visitors. So many calls and emails and messages of "we're praying for you and your family." AND, lots of flowers and goodies too!