Ouch that hurt.... AGAIN!

I was sooooooo nervous and scared about today. It's been on my mind all week and I don't know what I was so stressed about. I guess the thought of going in for a new line almost made it feel like I was starting all over again. I know I'm not, but my mind must be playing tricks on me. Either way, today didn't go as well as it could have, but I came out okay after all was said and done.

I went in for the procedure to install a PICC line in my arm to replace my central line that was in my chest. (These are the ports where I receive my chemotherapy - but my central line came out last week). Today's procedure was not considered a surgery and a nurse was able to perform the install. It reminded me a lot of the surgery I had for the first one and in case you don't remember how well that went (not) - then here's a link to that blog entry -Minor complications... Ouch! That hurts!

Here's what happened...

I went in at 1pm and didn't have to do anything really to prep for it except have breakfast and lunch and be hydrated. Easy enough. They used a sterile procedure so I was all covered with those blue drapes - three of them. My left arm was extended out so that the nurse could poke at me like they do when they give you an IV. Then she administered some numbing agent - which felt like itty bitty bee stings over and over. After that she pushed the PICC line tube through my arm and I could feel it go up towards my shoulder - not so much painful as a weird feeling. And then the line went towards my neck and kept getting "stuck" on something (that kinda hurt). She had to call another nurse in. They pulled it out and pushed it back in, and pulled it out and pushed it back in. This took at least an hour until one of the nurses thought they got it where they wanted it to be. The first nurse wasn't as sure of it.

I went for an X-Ray which confirmed - it didn't go right. The line went towards my other shoulder instead of down to my heart. Sound familiar? A repeat of my first surgery. So I had to go back and have them wiggle the wire in and out again. This time it really hurt. The numbing agent was wearing off and my arm was bruised and hurting where the line went in - right at the crease of it. My platelets are low, so the nurse said that affected the bleeding (increasing it a bit) - and so she applied a LOT of pressure too. I felt like crying and I swear I had tears in my eyes, but I didn't cry. I just said "ouch and owwwwwwwch" a lot.

I have a dressing that completely covers about 10 inches of my arm. Tomorrow I will go in for my 9th chemo and they should change it. We'll see if it's as.... as big then.

I'm so tired, I could have slept at the dinner table - so I think I'm going to bed now. Just thought I'd give a quick update.


My numbers -

		Range
	Actual	Low	High
WBC	3.0	3.5	11.0
HGB	12.3	12.0	16.0
HCT	38.8	34.0	47.0
Platelets	140	150.0	450.0
Neutrophils	0.7	1.5	7.5

Ooops. I think I broke it...

Okay, I didn't break it, but it doesn't work anymore. It's not even there anymore. Maybe you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about 'cause my last post probably didn't make any sense. I'm talking about my central line or "port". For those of you who haven't been graced with the view of two tubes sticking out of my chest - that is what my central line is... umm, was. It's where they hooked the chemo up when I go in for treatments. I guess there's a few reasons for this. One is because the medication would jack up my veins if it was administered directly. So maybe the doctor didn't use the term "jack up" but that's what I heard. Another reason is because I need to wear a pump (aka banana phone) for two days after treatment and that's what they hook that puppy up to.

Last week I had my stitches taken out and the port was being held in place by a stat lock (sticky thing). Unfortunately, yesterday when I went to change the stat lock and was cleaning the area, the tube slipped out - alot... This morning I called and they said I would have to go in to get it checked. Then I went to clean it again and it slipped even more. The nurse told me that it only had about another inch and the whole thing would have came out! That would have FREAKED-ME-OUT! Thank God that didn't happen.

So they took the whole central line out. No more tubes in my chest. Just a big ol' bandage that I have to wear for 24 hours. I had a choice to make after that. I could either go in and get another central line in the same place which would require surgery again. Or, since I have only 4 more treatments (that's right, I said four!) - that's considered "short term treatment" now and I can get a PICC Line. It's the same thing, just in my arm. I wasn't really psyched about either option. If you recall, my first surgery for the central line kinda went whacky and had to be done a 2nd time. And getting something in my arm just sounds weird. But it's all weird I guess. The nurse recommended the PICC, plus it will cost less than another surgery - so I'm going with that. And here's a plus - I'm without any line until next Tuesday when I get the install. Yay! I can't tell you how cool it will be to be without that plastic installation - even for a week!

So that's what's up with me. What's up with you? :o)

Freaked Out

Okay, so I think my attitude towards this whole cancer business has been pretty good. Optimistic. Hopeful. Determined. And not because I am trying to put on a front for anyone, but because that is how I truly feel. Even through my first meeting with my Oncologist, Dr Azar on Wednesday. I re-listened to the short portion that we did record and was amazed at how calm and collected I sounded. And there was even a point in the meeting when my sister got a bit freaked out and I put my hand on her arm, patted her and told her "Don't worry, I'm gonna be okay."

But last night I was working on my journal and I was researching the Clinical Trial drug Cetuximab and I'm going to admit - it freaked me out a bit. As I mentioned, they really repeated that one of the side effects would be the rash on my face. I went ahead and took a look at some photos of people with this reaction - and wholly cow! It scared me. So I've been trying to tell myself that I really need to weigh the side effect with the possible gain - acne like rash/non-recurring cancer. hmmm... I know, not a tough choice huh? And I can say that right now, but realistically - three months from now, I might be tired. I might not feel well. And will looking at myself in the mirror be the straw that breaks the camel's back? I hope not.

Heck, I don't even know if I will be chosen as one of the participants that take the Cetuximab, so I know I just need to chill out - and I will. Point is, some things about this do freak me out...